Spotting a fake friend

It's been a while since I updated this blog due to thesis and other work that I have to finish, but I can't let this day pass without posting an update. What's so special with this day? Actually it isn't special, in fact it was one of the shocking, painful and unbelievable day for me. Why?

Because I discovered that my friends are fake.

I know you're already asking why do I sound like a kid, that I should already know who is fake or not at my age, but you know what, no one is exempted in deception. Anyone, whether kid or adult, can still be deceived. Fake people are good at hiding and pretending. They can definitely make doubtful people believe using their creative ways.

So how did I know that my friends are fake? I went on a road trip and shopping earlier with my boyfriend to reflect about their actions and consult him regarding it as well.

These are the traits that I observed:

1. They never give compliments and they bully often.

Yes, they never did. All they see are my flaws, and oftentimes make fun of it, embarrass me in front of everyone. True friends never do that, they wouldn't want to embarrass you in front of anyone else. If your friend is doing the same thing, even if his/her reason is "It's just a joke", think twice. Jokes are half-meant. Jokes pointing out your flaws and embarrassing you aren't funny anymore. There are also limits to bullying, if it is damaging to one's person already, and degrading, then I think it is the right time for you to stop and evaluate your friends. If you told them that you're hurt about what they did, and their reply is: 'You're our friend that's why we bully you'. Nu-uh. Think twice. Hurting you or your feelings is never ok in a friendship.

2. They are demanding/clingy.

This is very evident with them. I will give you an example: Every time they know about my free time, they're going to force me to hang out with them. Every project, I have to be in the same group as them. In every event, in every moment of my life.

I am a very busy person and sometimes I need solitude in order to relax. Being around them is just draining my energy more. They demand too much of my time, and whenever I tell them that I want to be alone or I want to go home already, they're going to whine so much about it and force me to stay. If you're friend is like that, demanding for your time every now and then, for your presence and for almost anything. This is a red flag.

3. They gossip.

Backstabbing is never ok. You know it is definitely a sign for you to unfriend them or avoid them once you caught them backstabbing you or gossiping about you. Now there is another instance where they gossip about a certain person or another common/mutual friend of yours. Why is it alarming? Because if they can do that to their friend, what more for you? Probably they can do that to you as well or is doing it already, you just don't know!

4. They get jealous.

They were never proud of me and any of my achievements, and instead they were jealous. I would understand if they are happy for me but no, they aren't. Despite of the achievement, they tried putting me down, literally because of their jealousy. They continued insulting me in a 'joking' manner, in which their jealousy is also expressed. A real friend would never bash a friend due to her achievement, and rather be happy for her. Actually, a real friend would NEVER envy you to the point he/she will try to steal your achievement or whatever you have that he/she envies; or try to put you down.

5. They want to manipulate/control everything.

This is the most toxic sign that you should look out for. Oftentimes they do it very subtle to me like asking me to wear makeup or lipstick because they are wearing one. If not, they give unsolicited suggestions of what you should wear according to their taste. They also give comments about your life decisions and simply judging you based on their remarks. Basically they stick their nose in everything you do. They remove your privacy and make you their 'doll' that they can customize the way they want, or a pet dog that will follow them in everything they say. You might think this is the most obvious sign to notice, ironically it's not. This is the hardest one to notice about fake friends because they often disguise it as "Concern" or "Care" for you. Be very critical of this, know the time when they are already invading way too much of your private life and personal decisions. Learn to say no as well and put your foot down.

What's my solution on this, when I found out that they are fake friends?

I started unfriending them not in facebook but in real life. How? By simply avoiding them, not hanging out with them, and basically putting my foot down, making them know that I had enough and I just deal with them right now because I have to. "Professionalism" doesn't require friendship.

And with that, I'll leave you with this empowering song. I can relate to this so much right now, and it matches the topic of this post as well.

Enjoy! and Stay strong <3

#lifestyle #lifelesson #friendship #standingup #stronger